Innocence Lost
by shistarlet
Summary: She wondered if Pony was dead, if Bob had succeeded in drowning him...fourth of series


**Title: **Innocence Lost  
**Rating: **PG  
**Disclaimer: **You can't be serious...nope, still haven't found the boys for purchase or hire...sad, I know...  
**Summary: **_She wondered if Pony was dead, if Bob and Randy and the others had succeeded in drowning him. She was scared and trembled against Johnny as she tried to think of what they could do...__  
_

Innocence Lost

She wondered if Pony was dead, if Bob and Randy and the others had succeeded in drowning him. She was scared and trembled against Johnny as she tried to think of what they could do.

Johnny had finally stopped crying, but he still shook, out of both fear and cold. He'd also stopped muttering about killing Bob, now he was reassuring Ace that they'd be all right. She wasn't so sure.

When she wasn't looking to where Pony lay to see if he'd woken up or not, Ace tucked her head in Johnny's shoulder. He held his switchblade firm in one hand, the hand that didn't would calmly stroke Ace's dark hair. It was the first time she wondered if the boys were right - they did look like siblings.

She kept her face hidden because she knew if she looked at Bob's dead body again, she'd be sick. She understood why Johnny had done it, and didn't blame him in the least for any of it.

"Everything's gonna be all right, Gracie," he soothed in a shaking voice. She had to admit that it wasn't very convincing.

"I'm glad he's dead," she proclaimed. "I'm glad you killed him."

Johnny sat up and looked at her, his eyes still full of tears and now looking as if they'd never seen her before. And they hadn't, at least not the way she was acting - she could have been a stranger. "What?" he choked on his words.

"You heard me: I'm glad he's dead. Johnny I know that he was the one who beat you up, gave you that scar," she continued, lightly brushing his still pink scar with gentle fingertips. "He would have kept on, attacking you, Pony, me - "

"Gracie," he whispered, taking her in his free arm again.

She could feel more tears coming, and she knew that he could see them, too. "I still remember the day the guys found you in the lot. I was so scared. Scared for you...for all of us," she sobbed. She did remember - vividly. She still saw the events play out when she closed her eyes.

She'd chosen not to go with Pony to the DX. They'd just finished a long conversation - about her daydreams of losing Johnny, his nightmares that had started after his parents' deaths. When he left, he'd told her to lay down, try to get some rest. He'd said it was obvious she wasn't sleeping. They both knew that she wouldn't sleep, even if she was exhausted.

She'd been laying in Soda and Pony's bed for a while, staring at the ceiling, wondering where Johnny was and how long Pony would be gone.

That's when she heard Darry yell from the porch, and she bolted upright, knowing something was wrong. She sprinted out the door and followed Darry to the lot. She was a ways behind, but could still see where he was going.

By the time she got there, the others were all huddled around. Two-Bit caught her by the arm and held her back, against his chest where it was safe.

"Stay here, kiddo. You don't want to see that," he said sadly. She looked up into his gray eyes, confusion written all over her face.

He pulled her tighter in his embrace, and she could see Dally, looking angry and sick. She felt her stomach drop. Only one thing could make Dally look like that, and she knew it. She felt unexpected, silent tears roll down her cheeks, and Two-Bit only held her tighter. Suddenly, everything seemed so far away and surreal. She could hear Two-Bit's voice, speaking to her, but couldn't make out any of the words. Soda's voice was off in the distance as well, but she didn't think he was talking to her.

She could feel her knees going weak and her legs give out beneath her. Before she knew it, everything had turned black.

When she woke, she was on the Curtis couch, wrapped tightly in blankets, her head in Pony's lap. She'd asked what had happened, and Pony, unable to lie to her, told her all about Johnny's beating and how they had found him.

"I didn't know you were there," Johnny sighed, leaning his head back against the fountain.

"Yeah, well, the guys had hoped I wouldn't come running either," she replied.

She heard some rustling behind her and knew that Pony was coming to. Johnny began to shake again, and she heard him tell Pony that he'd killed Bob.

"Johnny, I think I'm gonna be sick," Pony groaned, getting to his feet. 

"Go ahead, I won't look at ya," Johnny replied, his voice hoarse.

As Pony vomited, Johnny stood and walked over to the grass, where he knelt, trying to clean the blood off his switchblade.

Ace stayed curled next to the fountain, her knees pulled up under her chin and her eyes carefully turned away from where Bob lay, dead.

She knew that Pony and Johnny were talking, but she couldn't make out any of the words. Slowly, Johnny walked back to her, and knelt to look her in the eye.

"Ace, you go over to Pony's," he began, a hand on her shoulder and his voice sincere. "We're gonna go see Dally. He's the only one who can help us. You can't get in any trouble, so I want you to stay with Soda and Darry. If the cops come 'round - "

"NO!" she yelled, cleanly cutting him off. "I'm going with you! You can't leave me here, Johnny!"

He knew she was right, he couldn't just leave, knowing that she wouldn't sleep and would do nothing but worry.

"Okay," he said, giving in. Grabbing her by the arm, he hauled her to her feet. "Come on, Gracie."

She didn't ask where they were going, simply followed the boys through the dark streets of Tulsa. When they arrived at Buck Merril's, she wasn't exactly surprised. She figured Dally would be here as well. Of course, she wasn't looking forward to seeing what sort of position they'd find Dally in.

She shivered when Buck came to the door, the sound of horrid music and the stench of alcohol floating out the door from behind him; she knew that it was people like this who gave others from their neighborhood a bad reputation. She'd never been to Buck's but knew that hoods like Dally and the Shepard boys frequented the place.

She stood between Pony and Johnny, silent and still shaken, as they watched Dally come to the door through the window. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and he looked more than a little put off by the distraction. Ace rolled her eyes, realizing what they were getting into, but she stayed, knowing that Dal was the only one who could help them, and even found herself trusting the hood for survival.

"Ponyboy, are you wet?" Dal asked, pulling the three of them into the smoke filled room. He seemed sincerely concerned about his young friends, saving the flirtatious jokes for later.

The three of them followed Dally up the stairs and into one of several rooms. He tossed Pony a towel and told him to dry off. She watched, a bit dazed, as Dal gave Johnny a loaded gun and fifty bucks.

"Ace, you all right?" he asked, looking up at her where she stood close to the door.

She nodded, holding her hand me down jacket closed around her tightly. "Yeah, I'm okay," she answered quietly.

Once again, she tuned out as Dallas told them how to get to a hideout a few hours away. He gave Pony a shirt and jacket, and before she knew it, Dally was shoving them out the door and back down the stairs. They quickly got back to the door and outside.

"Come on, Gracie," Johnny said to her. "We've gotta catch the 3:15."

She nodded, letting him take her hand and lead her toward the tracks. She was surprisingly sure footed in the darkness, even if she wasn't paying attention to where he was leading her. Silently, they hopped into one of the boxcars, and ducked out of the way when a couple of conductors checked their car.

As the train began moving, the three of them settled down, Johnny and Pony both sitting up against the side as Ace used her jacket for a pillow and lay down next to Pony, ready to sleep.

"Get some sleep; both of you," Johnny called out to them over the rumble of the moving train. "I'll stay up and wait for Windrixville."

It didn't take long for Ace to fall asleep, even if she wasn't curled up with Johnny. Occasionally, he'd reach over Pony's legs and gently squeeze her hand to remind her he was there.

"Ace," Johnny's voice was soft in her ear as he shook her awake. "Come on, we gotta get off."

She was still half asleep as they began to make their way toward Jay Mountain. Once again, she held onto Johnny's hand as he led the way.

"You sure we're going to be safe here?" she asked, her voice rough from not being used for several hours.

"Dally knows what he's talking about," Johnny reassured, turning and giving her a smile. She returned his smile, trusting him totally.

Pony hadn't been too crazy about the idea of approaching a couple of locals to ask where Jay Mountain was, but it couldn't be helped, he was the one who looked the most like he wasn't too out of place here, in the middle of the countryside.

The church on Jay Mountain was run down, but they knew it was the only hope they had for a hideout now. It didn't take them long to break in and find a place to settle down to sleep.

Pony settled on the floor, using Dally's jacket for a pillow. On the step above, Johnny was trying to settle down himself. "Come here, Gracie," he said quietly, reaching for her to lay down next to him. "Let's try to get some sleep. I know you didn't sleep well on the train. Come lay here."

Smiling coyly, she curled up next to him. While he used his jeans jacket for a pillow, she laid her head on his chest, listening to the soft, even sound of his heartbeat. He gently stroked her hair with one hand as the other gripped hers where it lay over his heart. Just before she drifted off into sleep, she felt Johnny softly kiss the top of her head.

She woke with Johnny's jeans jacket slung over her and an arm curled around her. Carefully, she rolled over to discover Ponyboy sleeping soundly beside her. Groggily, she rubbed her eye, wondering where Johnny could have disappeared to, and how she had slept so securely without Johnny next to her.

"Pony," she whispered, shaking him by the shoulder.

"Where's Johnny?" he said as he sat up, rubbing his own eyes against sleep as well.

"I don't know," she answered, "I was hoping you knew."

"Here," Pony pointed to a note left in the dirt: _Be back soon. JC. _"He must've gone to get supplies. You thirsty?"

She nodded and as he climbed to his feet, he held out his hand to help her up. 

"Dally said there's a pump out back for water."

She followed him outside and to the pump, which, after a minutes of trying, produced cool, clear water. They both heard footsteps in the distance at the same time, and shared a panicked look before they took off to hide in the church cellar, which had an opening that led straight outside.

As the footsteps drew closer, Pony let out the gang's signaling whistle. Seconds later, it was returned and Pony tried to sprint in the dirt only to find his feet slip out from under him and land on his stomach at Johnny's feet.

"Johnny, fancy meetin' you here," Pony grinned up at him. Ace had to bite her bottom lip to keep from laughing.

"You're starting to act just like Two-Bit," Johnny chuckled as Pony stood and began digging around the box he held.

"Who's acting?" Pony retorted, not looking up at Johnny.

"What'd ya get?" Ace inquired, coming up from the basement.

"Let's go inside," Johnny suggested, fidgeting to get around Pony to the door. "Dally told us not to come out."

As Pony led the way inside, Ace stepped up next to Johnny and looped her arm through his. Warmly, he smiled down at her, and for a moment she wondered if he was as scared as she felt.

Once inside, they unloaded the box. "Peroxide?" Pony asked, genuinely confused. He looked up at Johnny, his face going slightly pale. "You're not thinking - " he stopped, unable to continue.

"They're going to have our descriptions in the paper. We have to cut our hair, and you have to bleach yours," Johnny replied, his face serious. Still unsmiling, he turned to Ace. "That means you too, Gracie. You don't have to bleach it, but you should cut it."

Ace looked at him wide-eyed. Instinctively, her hands went to her dark hair, her fingers tangling in the naturally wavy locks that hung just below her shoulders. "Johnny, I...I don't know - " she stuttered.

"Gracie," he soothes, "you have to. I'm going to cut mine too and wash all the grease out of it."

Both Pony and Ace sighed defeatedly. "All right," Pony groaned, taking a seat so Johnny could start. Ace couldn't help but jump when Johnny flicked out his switchblade. Pony was first.

She couldn't believe her reflection. The water rippled in the cool breeze, sending little waves through the girl staring back at her. She'd always kept her hair long. For the most part, it was how anyone knew she was, in fact, a girl.

She took a long drag on her cigarette, her fingers running hesitantly over the short cropped locks at the nape of her neck. The front was longer, but she still looked a lot different. Most of the natural wave of her hair was gone, sacrificed on the ground outside the church.

Pony and Johnny were inside, but she'd told them that she was going to mourn the loss of her long, dark hair alone. She hadn't gone far though - for her own safety.

She was behind the church, sitting at the edge of a small pond. She'd been there for a while, wondering to herself what exactly they'd gotten into.

She turned, looking over her shoulder at the disheveled building the instant she heard yelling.

"I'm fourteen, I've been fourteen for a month, and I'm in this just as much as you are," Pony's voice came to her as she lurked just outside the back door. "I'll stop cryin' in a minute. I can't help it."

"I'm sorry, Pony, I didn't mean it like that," Johnny's voice was breathy and cracking. She imagined him moving over to Pony, his small body sliding onto the bench next to the younger boy.

Slowly and silently, she turned the corner, stepping into the doorway, spotting Pony and Johnny on a bench not far away. She could see that this was taking a toll on them. All of them.

"Come on, Pony, let's go sit by the fire," Johnny soothed, gesturing to where they'd started a small fire in an old wood burning stove. It was then, as the boys turned to move over to the fire, that they spotted Ace still lurking in the doorway, silent tears making uneven trails down her soft cheeks.

Johnny smiled at her sympathetically, holding out the arm that wasn't around Pony's shoulders to her. Without hesitation, she ran to him, her face buried in his shoulder and her arms tight around his waist. She could feel Pony's hand softly stroking her fresh cut hair soothingly.

"Shh," Johnny whispered, holding her tight to him. "Come on, both of you."

She lifted her head long enough to be pulled over to the fire where Pony leaned back against a bench, Johnny leaning his head on Pony's thigh, and Ace closest to the fire in front of Johnny. She curled into him, her back to the stove and her face buried in his shirt. It was the first time she'd cried herself to sleep in a long while.

**Fin**

**A/N: **Again, this is part of my series: _Love Letters Anthology_. The final part is finished, I simply have to type it up and post it!


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